The Fat Kid has been dieting as of late, and consequently I am a tad grouchy. I thought I would allay my bad mood a little by venting. Here are some of the things about our world and its occupants that annoy me just a little:
- The phrase "high rate of speed." Every time I hear somebody on TV say that inanity, I am compelled to correct him. It's "at a high speed" Speed = rate of motion. So, "high rate of speed" = "high rate of rate of motion." The phrase should be placed in the File of Redundancies File and locked away for good.
- That guy who is always inserting "That's what she said!" into every conversation. Very immature. The discussion usually goes like this:
Fat Kid: Man, I worked out hard last night
Annoying Guy: That's what she said!
FK: I am so sore
AG: That's what she said!
FK: You're an idiot
AG: That's what she said!
- Noisy movie theatre people. When I shell out $10 for a movie (plus $50 for my snackage, popcorn, drinks, etc) I expect to enjoy the movie. Instead, I usually have to sit in front of I've Seen This Movie Before and Will Tell You What's Coming Guy or I've Had Twenty Minutes of Previews to Do This But Waited Until the Movie Started to Noisily Unwrap My Contraband Burrito and Annoyingly Loud Cheetos Bag Guy. If you ask me, I think that people pirate movies off the internet not because they want free movies but because they want to enjoy their movies without some knucklehead ruining the experience.
- People who cuss in public. It does not make you sound mature. Stop doing it.
- The trend to end sentences with the word "with." For instance, someone said to me "I'm going to the movies. Do you want to come with?" Come with? With what? With you? With no money so that you can pay for me? How hard it is to add the word "me"? I mean, it's two freaking letters, and is among the first sounds a baby makes. It's not that hard to finish the question properly, is it?
- My dog, who invariably sticks his wet nose into my hand while I am asleep. The fact that the previous ten thousand times he has done this I shooed him away does not faze him. He still thinks that rousing me from a deep sleep will get him some affection. But he's my little loyal dog buddy, so he gets a pass.
- Clowns. Does anybody enjoy clowns? They're frightening, looking like some Hair Club For Men zombie patrol. Mimes are even worse, although if I had my choice of who I'd most like to share a theatre with when I go to the movies, mimes would win in a landslide. I would really enjoy the quiet.
- Diets.
