Just a Spoonful of Sugar Helps the Medicine Go Down
Is there anything more boring than a chick flick? And I don't mean romantic comedies because they have their single redeeming quality (comedy) right there in the description. No, I mean pure, unadulterated estrogen films that don't even try to appeal to men in any way, shape, or form. All the crying, all the swooning over unrequited love, all the girlish giggling, all the smooching, all the sappy happy endings. Blech.
Sadly, there is something more dull even than chick flicks - chick flicks in book form. I am not talking about Harlequin Romances such as "Fabio Does Dallas" or Jackie Collins type offerings. I mean real literature chick flicks in book form such as just about anything by Jane Austen. Any guy reading this who protests "But I loved 'Sense and Sensibilities' should rent the Terminator series, then find a WWF marathon on Spike TV, stop showering for a few days, and only eat leftovers that he finds out on the counter in order to reset the Matrix and get his manhood back.
Now that I am no longer in school (where such things were required) you would never, ever catch me reading any such tome or watching a movie adaptation of such work.
Or will you?
It was recently announced that Natalie Portman will produce and star in "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies," which is a sci-fi adaptation of Jane Austen's chick flick in book form. Portman will play Elizabeth Bennett, a zombie hunter who takes time out of ridding the world of the undead long enough to find true love. Now that sounds like my kind of movie! There will be flesh-starved walking dead, lots of firearms (presumably), probably a nice heavy metal soundtrack, and just enough mushy love scenes to allow me to head to the snack bar and refill the popcorn bucket without missing anything important.
I am hoping that this is just the tip of the iceberg and that this will usher in a whole new age of boring books brought to life in zombie form. I might find myself sitting through "The Joy Luck Club of Zombies," or "Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Undead Sisterhood." "Fried Green Zombies" and "Zombie Beaches" just might make it to my Netflix cue, as would "The Undead's Terms of Endearment" or "Ordinary Zombies."
The possibilities are endless.