Is Either One Of These Guys Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?
This week's devastating earthquake took the world by surprise, prompting an outpouring of support from the entire globe. The United States vowed swift action, while Russia, Cuba, and the United Nations mobilized relief workers without wasting any time.
Also swift to leap into action was a pair of knuckleheads, whose shared credo seems to be "If you don't have anything intelligent to say, make sure you say it loudly." First one out of the gate was the Rev. Pat Robertson, who declared that the devastation visited upon the impoverished Third World nation was God's wrath being poured down in response to Haitians' rejection of Jesus in favor of voodoo. This is not the first time Robertson has been associated with such remarks in the wake of tragedy. Immediately following the terrorist attacks of 9/11, he and Jerry Falwell were asked to comment, and Falwell opined that God was punishing the United States for homosexuality, abortion, and pagans. Robertson declared his agreement and expanded that since we are a free society and our freely-elected officials are responsible for an increasing secularization of our society, God is holding everyone responsible.
Not content to let Robertson receive all the scorn and derision, Danny Glover raced to the nearest microphone and told us how global warming was responsible for this disaster, and that the world's inaction at Copenhagen made Mother Gaia angry, so she smote the poor people of Haiti, who probably didn't even have delegates at the meeting. "When we see what we did at the climate summit in Copenhagen, this is the response, this is what happens, you know what I'm sayin'?"
I know what he's sayin'. He's sayin' "All we need is Kanye West shouting 'George Bush hates black people' to have the Idiots' Trifecta."
Now, I am no Jeff Foxworthy and it's been many, many years since I was in grammar school. But, I think even a cotton-headed ninny muggin like me would be able to answer the following multiple choice question without using a lifeline (and without making himself look like a complete tool):
Earthquakes are a result of:
A) An angry God, who demands that we sacrifice a virgin in the tallest volcano to assuage His wrath (for now)
B) An offended Mother Earth, who chooses to seek vengeance against rich Western white folks by raining death on poor minorities in Third World countries
C) Shifting tectonic plates, which build up huge amounts of energy as they try to slide past each other, and the eventual releasing of that energy results in dramatic shaking of the ground
If you need to copy off your neighbor or use Google to figure this one out, congratulations: you must be a brain dead celebrity, too in love with being in the camera's eye to let something like human suffering and death on a massive scale keep you from saying something stupid and offensive.
Tens of thousands of people are likely dead with more dying every hour. Those who survived the quake are now suffering with disease, no food, water, or shelter, and what resources there remain are being fought over by mobs armed with machetes. Now is not the time for people on any side of the political spectrum to be trying to score cheap political points.