The other day I was lounging on the couch, flipping through the channels, waiting for my Pop Tarts to get done toasting, I came across a comedian/hypnotist who was telling a bunch of full grown adults to walk around the stage and cluck like chickens. And they were complying. The spectacle of a gaggle of people in a zombie-like state (if chickens can be zombies) flapping their arms and crowing got me to thinking. "How does one become a hypnotist?" I have seen television ads for all sorts of schools, from vet tech to medical assisting and paralegal, to truck driving, culinary arts and security guard trade schools. But nothing on becoming a professional mesmerizer.
If there are schools, what is the application process like? I know that to become a music major, you have to audition (how much sense does that make? HELLO!!!! I already know how to play this instrument! The whole purpose of college is to learn something new! Duh). Do you have to show that you can swing that pocket watch right and talk in a soft monotone before they let you in? Are there pre-requisites? Like Metaphysics 101? I already took Physics 101, so does that count? What about the lab? Is it required?
And when you interview for the school, how do you know that they aren't going to just put you in a trance, instruct you to leave your wallet on the desk, go home, and when you wake up you'll feel like the interview went really, really well, but you're holding out hope that Mike's International Ice Cream Scooping School will put you on their waiting list before you decide what to do?
And that, in turn, raises other issues, Like, is the hypnosis skill like The Force, with a Light Side and a Dark Side? Because if it were, I know which side I would turn toward. Think about it. If you were some Sith hypnotist you could walk into any store grab a bunch of stuff, walk up to the counter, wave your hand and say "You are getting very sleepy. Now, how about giving me an employee discount?" Or you could tell your spouse "You are getting very, very full and do not want to have that last piece of chocolate cake. You would like to give it to me. With whipped cream, sprinkles and maybe a glass of milk." And they would do it for you. How cool would that be?!
Or, if you're single and you want that cute girl that you have the crush on to lower her standards a little and give you her number, you could mesmerize her thusly: "You suddenly feel that muscular, attractive men are yucky, and now feel compelled to date chunky, short men with receding hairlines. Call me!" When she does call you and you realize that she is not the one for you, you could put the thought into her head that she should break up with you. That way, she doesn't hate you for dumping her. You could even plant a post-hypnotic suggestion that she feel guilt-ridden and have the uncontrollable urge to cry whenever "your song" come on the radio. If you two don't have a song, you could just make one up. Like, say, "Macho Man" by the Village People. The great part about the Dark Side of anything is that it's pretty flexible and you can make stuff up as you go. Not so if you choose to follow the Light Side.
But just like anything else cool, it could fall into the wrong hands and be abused. Some unscrupulous politician with a soft, smooth way about him could just keep repeating hypnotic phrases like "Hope" and "Change" until a whole bunch of people voted for him.
You just had to make it political didn't ya buddy? There it was....a nice funny blog entry, devoid of political allusions and then.....